I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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