oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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