I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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