hell yes lets make some ravioli
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
