dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Swine flu. Run for my life!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
