Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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