Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
