1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
