okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize