Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
