Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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