Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
