i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
