wanna go halves on a baby?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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