soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
