i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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