addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
