addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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