Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
