Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
