I'm lost and stupid without you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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