is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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