Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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