I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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