Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
