I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
