Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
