NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
