He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
