You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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