She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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