omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
