Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
