just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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