Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
