Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
