ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
