can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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