this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
