Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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