Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
