if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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