Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
