My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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