I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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