Small penises have feelings too.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
