Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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