everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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