the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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