You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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