You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
