you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
