her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
